Nov. 4th, 2008

Future... will there be one?

So I'm alone again on the roof with the pigeons.  I find myself thinking about the future and whether there will be one.  Logic would seem to say that there 'as to be one, otherwise where-when did the others go?  But if that's the case, where does free will come into play?  Free will.  Two words, two simple words, but so complicated a concept.  I look at the birds. Free will.

"I let 'em out once a day, they come back. Sounds like free will to me."  

Seems like a lifetime ago when I said those words to Peter.  I don't believe in destiny.  And I don't really believe in fate either.  Granted I've spent a good chunk of my life hidin' from people, in general, and now I'm about to risk my life for a good chunk of them.  And chances are they could probably care less.  Probably wouldn't notice me even if I weren't invisible most of the time.  Do I have a choice?  I mull it over.  Only the specials left alive.  .07%  I can't help but wonder if that would be so bad.  Sounds too good to be true.  But then I've seen what 'appens with some specials.  Most wanna just be left the 'ell alone.  Some try to crush everyone else, specials and others alike.  I couldn't hunt my own people anymore and if I allow all the rest of the population to be wiped out am I any better than if I was still a loyal doggie?  So much blood on my 'ands. I don't want any more.  I'm makin' a choice.  I'm gonna save as many as I can and if I make it through this, maybe I can get some peace.

Aug. 25th, 2008


So I sleep and 'ave nightmares about what I saw while workin' for Primatech and about what I suspect they were doin' but never saw firsthand.  I wake up and go over in my 'ead what I know of the Hartsdale offices.  If anything local has any intell on the Shanti Virus it will be that one.  I'm wondering how I'm gonna get by the infrared devices that I know they must've installed by now.  Pickin' locks is easy.  High tech surveillance, gettin' around that will be hard.  I need to find breakfast, too.  I'm not sure when Peter will be comin' back, but the more I think about it the more I'm realizing I can't do this alone, even as I am loathe to admit that.  The last time I went against the Company, I was alone and got shot for my trouble.  Trust doesn't come easy when your best mate tries to kill you.  I keep tellin' myself that if this bloody virus gets out none of that will matter.  I can't stand people and yet 'ere I am trying to save them while hidin' in the shadows.  If I'm successful at all, they'll never know.  I 'ave to laugh at the irony.